Friday, June 29, 2007

This little light of mine.

One pop-cultural thing that is bumming me out: the re-voicing-over of the Clear Blue Easy commercial. It now says "the most sophisticated piece of technology you'll know" instead of "the most sophisticated piece of technology you'll ever pee on." Did someone really object to the idea of peeing on things? Or was it the dangling preposition? Either way, I'm far less interested in the product than I used to be. I mean I guess it still sounds and looks like a men's razor commercial instead of a soft-focus pastel joyride, but still. Copping out on "pee on"? Come on.

One physiological thing that is bumming me out: kidney pain. Yeah, my fuckin kidneys. Remember how I told you to seek medical attention if you have kidney pain? I followed my own awesome advice even though the nurses I talked to on the phone were unimpressed by my description of dull ache combined with my lack of: fever, burny pee, vomiting etc. Sooooo I'm on antibiotics again. I still believe in the d-mannose regimen. If I'd started it properly right away, I probably could've avoided the visit to urgent care, where it was cold and I sat in the exam room for 35 minutes thinking about how gross it was to be filing my nails in an exam room. Also, the doctor who spent thirty seconds with me instructed me to get a big jug of cranberry juice and drink it all.

One culinary thing that bummed me out yesterday: tempeh. I did my usual fry/braise thing with a package of tempeh, cubed, and then I sat in bed and ate the cubes absentmindedly while looking at the internets. Eventually I realized that I'd eaten all of it. And then I felt very, very bad, in ways upon which I will not elaborate, until it resolved itself, in a way that ditto.

Also, and this is not bumming me out: my boyfriend up and bought a Mustang (which I plan to refer to exclusively as "the Staaaaang"). He called me from the dealership last night as he was about to trade in his giant Chrysler, and then suddenly offered it to me instead. So I am going to buy a Concorde. Can you see me driving a large gold car (named, in fact, "Golden Large"?). Me neither, but let's get used to it together because he's cutting me an awesome deal. Do you think it's because I sleep with him sometimes?

Now I just have to figure out what to do with Fatty. Oh Fatty. She's been through a lot with me. If she were in better condition, she would still command a price of $3500. In her current condition? Maybe a buck 380.


  1. Ah, the old car. My Dodge Shadow was probably worth about that much, but then it stopped working, so I just donated it.

    Hope you start feeling better soon!

  2. I'm shocked by how sad I feel about the end of Fatty. That's a testament to your evocative blog writing, I suppose.

    Donating Fatty to PBS or NPR or whatever really is a good idea--a dignified departure for your old friend.

  3. Stop it--you're going to make me cry.

  4. Well, Maven, you know me. I have old gum wrappers I can't bear to throw away. All my goodbyes are long and miserable.

  5. Hey, you just did a modest commercial for tempeh: "The healthiest and best tasting soy product that ever gave you, uh, you know."

    I had a burgundy 81 Caddie DeVille that we called Merlot "Bro-ham" (from the Great White Hype) that I was VERY sentimental about giving up. But, as Margoldie & Wendell wisely suggested, I gave Merlot B to the Make a Wish foundation and believed she went to good hands. Also, the tax write off was probably better than what I coulda sold her for.

  6. Oh, my goodness, overdoing it on the tempeh. You decadent glutton, you.

  7. The Staaaaaaaang and Golden Large, together at last! Goodbye kisses to Fatty. I recently donated my own gold showboat, named "the Goldie P" for obscure reasons, and felt wistful as I waved goodbye. Now, it's just me and Inky. We manage.


  8. Re: Clearblue Easy, I just wish they'd gotten R. Kelly to do the commercial.