Tuesday, August 19, 2008

You probably find yourself wondering whether it is hard being an idiot. In one sense it is easy, since when you are being an idiot, stupid things just keep happening to you without much effort on your part, but on the other hand it is hard, because those stupid things might cause you to hurt yourself. The worst is when you are congratulating yourself for being smart, because for example you made a big batch of concentrated tea for iced tea, and then it turns out that you are actually an idiot because you put the lukewarm glass jug of tea in the freezer for a bit last night and then you forgot about it until today when you were hankering for some iced tea.

By then the jug is split open all down the sides and you are flummoxed enough by this that you disassemble it in two separate bowls that quickly fill up with ice shards, and you spend five minutes wondering whether you can salvage the solid, jug-shaped block of tea you now have in your hands, and meanwhile your hands are getting frostbite because you've run out of places to set the frozen teablock. You finally get rid of the glass, rinse the tea block thoroughly, and defrost it in the microwave, deciding simultaneously to cook a black bean burger on the stovetop, and you promptly forget about the burger while checking your email. Fortunately it hasn't burnt to a crisp by the time you remember it, but still you end up saying to the cat, "it's hard being an idiot."

In addition, you have a bug bite on your ankle that you have scratched so thoroughly, it is now a bruise. This despite the presence of after-bite treatment in your bathroom.

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