I think I broke my streak of sluggishness today, THANK GOODNESS. With most of the estate cleanup work behind me, and the darkness of winter descending, I've been feeling really inert. I make to-do lists and they pile up, and speaking of piles, there are always dishes in the sink, no matter how many I wash. Also, my face has launched some sort of rebellion, and I can't decide what to do with my hair: do I buzz it again, do I grow some glam-rock fronds in the back, do I let the top get long and do a Pink-Miley undercut? And until today, my summer clothes were still not completely put away, meaning I was living amongst rubbermaid tubs, and then piling more stuff on top of them. I'd stop short of saying I've been plagued by self-doubt but it's not that far off. I re-read The Writing Life and thought, not for the first time, that I don't have anywhere near the dedication required of an artist. I felt like a dilettante.
But this morning I worked up a head of steam and I washed the dishes, and scrubbed the sink, and hung a bulletin board that I liberated from my grandparents' place. I took the measurements of all the arty stuff that I need to frame, and emailed them to myself. I ate some foods besides granola. I sawed in thirds this cardboard quik-tube I bought for the cat to run through like 6 months ago--it has been standing up between my shelves, looking shitty and taking up space. The cat may not take to it, but that's beside the point. I cleaned all the cat toys out from under the stove. I took the greasy knobs off the stove and washed them. I vacuumed. I set my laundry ball in a sunny window to regenerate (is it bullshit? who knows, but I haven't used detergent much in the last two years). I went for a quick, extremely windy bike ride and showered. I bought the Groupon for that gym (sadly, the 6 month memberships had sold out, so I guess I'm just trying it for 2). I emailed a bunch of parents of former students to say HEY WHAT ABOUT TAKING SOME MORE VOICE LESSONS? and then I taught 5 lessons. I still don't feel like much of a musician right now but I'll get there.