Food choices have been my ad nauseam personal development topic of the year, I think, so I was pleased to read Dom's post today about the changes brewing in his diet--pleased because for once someone else is sounding off about it, and pleased because it's all positive stuff about laying off the sugar-crack and giving up the meats. I was gunta spare you another post about my new experiment, too, but he gave me a little charge, so I don't mind telling you that I've gone weekday vegan. The mac and cheese was a nice little sendoff, though I didn't plan it that way. I just got up Monday morning and thought "aight, I'm going to try something else now."
I don't have a lot to report about the experiment so far, except that it hasn't been difficult and I feel good.
It's weird: I feel like I've been working through some resistance about various things over the past few months, without really knowing that that's what I've been doing. Take, for example, the biking: in the past, I always threw out a lot of reasons why it wasn't a viable choice for me, and while a lot of those reasons still stand (like, riding to a rehearsal is a bad idea, especially if the weather is crappy, because your voice will be thrashed when you get there, from the panting if not from the cold air rushing past your vocal folds), most of the reasons have evaporated in the face of how slick a mode of transport biking is, and how good it feels to do it.
Again I should reiterate that this is THE PERFECT time of year to start biking for any reason, and I'm kind of hoping that by the time the weather goes to shit, biking will be habitual enough that I will change my other habits to suit it. I will for example allow more time to get places (so far so good), and wear the right kind of clothes for the job, and shower at work if I need to, or buzz my hair off, or whatever.
Anyway, there's also been some food resistance going on, which I haven't totally thought through--I've just sort of noticed it here and there. It's possible I'm coming out on the other side of it now. But I have this feeling I'm going to go off coffee eventually. I don't know when. It just seems likely, based on everything else that's been going on.
I don't know what will be next, but I welcome it because it all pretty much falls under the grand question of "how will you live so as not to make a mockery of your values?"
PS: If you google "placatan" I'm in the top ten results. What.
Showing posts with label personal friggin growth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal friggin growth. Show all posts
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Working it on out, part infinity.
I went for a run around the lake this evening right when the sun was going down and the full moon was waiting in the wings, a ghost of itself in the blue sky. Everything is blooming, finally, and the trees smell delicious. I did a pattern of running 6 minutes, walking one minute, repeat repeat repeat, which meant I only walked a total of four minutes in my three mile run, minus my warmup and cooldown. This is good for me. I mean have you SEEN my physique? I am what you might call "bottom-heavy." I'm a very earthbound runner, and not a really motivated one.
I'm doing a 5K, my first ever, in a few weeks. I keep mentally pooh-poohing it because it seems like most anyone can get up in the morning and crap bigger than a 5K, but it is actually sort of big for me because, while I like sporty stuff, I've had such don't-wanna attitude about physical training of any kind for most of my life. Seriously, when I played volleyball in high school, I'd be the one faking that my contact popped out during wind sprints and I'd go away to the locker room. Unfortunately coach would be waiting for me to finish the drill and she'd run it with me, just like a good coach, but mentally I'd be doing ugly crying and flinging myself face down on my bed the whole time.
So it's a change for me to adopt any kind of conscientious training regimen, however half-assed. I'm not talking about regular old exercise. I'm talking about like running even when you have a stitch in your side. Here's a true confession: until about two months ago, I had never ever continued running through a stitch. But one day I had one, and I was like "fuck it, I'm going to do this," and I kept going, and it sucked for like 8 minutes. But then it was gone and I could get back to the normal kind of running hate instead of the special side pain kind of hate that usually just makes me abandon the whole project.
You may remember awhile back I wrote something or other about wanting to try things I'm not good at, in order to get some humility and work at getting better. I may not have written the thing about humility, but I do think that's partly what it's about. I've realized in recent years that there's a life lesson I seem to have missed as a child, and that's the lesson about plain old persistence, about working really hard in order to accomplish worthwhile things. (It's not your fault, Mom. You probably told me and I just wasn't listening, or you were busy trying get Hobby to use the toilet.) I was good at a lot of schooly stuff and I liked accolades. Naturally I focused more on the activities that got me positive attention than the ones that required a lot of work and maybe involved delayed gratification. That's how I've rolled.
Anyway, ramped-up physical activity is fitting the bill right at the moment, for that particular life lesson. I mean, look: practically everyone is faster than me, lots of people are stronger, and most people are more motivated. But I am still going to do this little race, and then maybe I'll do another one, and then maybe I'll think about a sprint triathlon. And I'm riding my bike to work, and maybe I'll start riding other places too, even places wayyyy over in St Paul that would have seemed too far away last year for anything other than a recreational day trip.
I smell like a campfire right now. We just burned a big load of scrap wood in the fire pit, and it was excellent, all orange sparks leaping up into the midnight blue while the solar path lights struggled to stay lit in the blaze. There's a "men in hula" documentary on in the background, so every once in awhile I look up and see some dudes practicing their hip swivel. Go men.
I'm doing a 5K, my first ever, in a few weeks. I keep mentally pooh-poohing it because it seems like most anyone can get up in the morning and crap bigger than a 5K, but it is actually sort of big for me because, while I like sporty stuff, I've had such don't-wanna attitude about physical training of any kind for most of my life. Seriously, when I played volleyball in high school, I'd be the one faking that my contact popped out during wind sprints and I'd go away to the locker room. Unfortunately coach would be waiting for me to finish the drill and she'd run it with me, just like a good coach, but mentally I'd be doing ugly crying and flinging myself face down on my bed the whole time.
So it's a change for me to adopt any kind of conscientious training regimen, however half-assed. I'm not talking about regular old exercise. I'm talking about like running even when you have a stitch in your side. Here's a true confession: until about two months ago, I had never ever continued running through a stitch. But one day I had one, and I was like "fuck it, I'm going to do this," and I kept going, and it sucked for like 8 minutes. But then it was gone and I could get back to the normal kind of running hate instead of the special side pain kind of hate that usually just makes me abandon the whole project.
You may remember awhile back I wrote something or other about wanting to try things I'm not good at, in order to get some humility and work at getting better. I may not have written the thing about humility, but I do think that's partly what it's about. I've realized in recent years that there's a life lesson I seem to have missed as a child, and that's the lesson about plain old persistence, about working really hard in order to accomplish worthwhile things. (It's not your fault, Mom. You probably told me and I just wasn't listening, or you were busy trying get Hobby to use the toilet.) I was good at a lot of schooly stuff and I liked accolades. Naturally I focused more on the activities that got me positive attention than the ones that required a lot of work and maybe involved delayed gratification. That's how I've rolled.
Anyway, ramped-up physical activity is fitting the bill right at the moment, for that particular life lesson. I mean, look: practically everyone is faster than me, lots of people are stronger, and most people are more motivated. But I am still going to do this little race, and then maybe I'll do another one, and then maybe I'll think about a sprint triathlon. And I'm riding my bike to work, and maybe I'll start riding other places too, even places wayyyy over in St Paul that would have seemed too far away last year for anything other than a recreational day trip.
I smell like a campfire right now. We just burned a big load of scrap wood in the fire pit, and it was excellent, all orange sparks leaping up into the midnight blue while the solar path lights struggled to stay lit in the blaze. There's a "men in hula" documentary on in the background, so every once in awhile I look up and see some dudes practicing their hip swivel. Go men.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Stick around for joy.
This weekend, I had an awesome rehearsal, slept 20 hours, ran five miles, made a lasagna, and failed to find anything to wear for the recital I'm doing next week.
I also memorized a bunch of Norwegian. I do a lot of mental practicing, which is something I cannot advocate enough for musicians and anyone else who's preparing for something. There's an article about this very thing over here--about measurable physiological and psychological responses that happen when athletes or musicians imagine a task, and the different ways in which imagery and mental practice can help performance. This is particularly important for singers, who cannot physically practice for several hours a day--we can still put in plenty of time doing other things, and mentally putting ourselves through the paces of a performance goes a long way toward ensuring that we'll be able to perform the way we want to in high-stress situations.
I love this kind of stuff because it goes right along with my prevailing interest in creating and sustaining a good mindset, of framing reality the way I want to. I would like it even if it were just froufy new age bullshit, but I like it even more because it's based on actual science--on the brain's proven ability to pattern moods and processes.
Today's Unitarian special idea was Intentional Joy. You see how this all fits together?
Welcome Morning
There is joy
in all:
in the hair I brush each morning,
in the Cannon towel, newly washed,
that I rub my body with each morning,
in the chapel of eggs I cook
each morning,
in the outcry from the kettle
that heats my coffee
each morning,
in the spoon and the chair
that cry 'hello there, Anne'
each morning,
in the godhead of the table
that I set my silver, plate, cup upon
each morning.
All this is God,
right here in my pea-green house
each morning
and I mean, though often forget,
to give thanks,
to faint down by the kitchen table
to a prayer of rejoicing
as the holy birds at the kitchen window
peck into their marriage of seeds.
So, while I think of it,
let me paint a thank-you on my palm
for this God, this laughter in the morning,
lest it go unspoken.
The joy that isn't shared, I've heard,
dies young.
--Anne Sexton
PS: Hillary Clinton's voice is so thrashed, I just want to sit her down and give her some voice therapy.
I also memorized a bunch of Norwegian. I do a lot of mental practicing, which is something I cannot advocate enough for musicians and anyone else who's preparing for something. There's an article about this very thing over here--about measurable physiological and psychological responses that happen when athletes or musicians imagine a task, and the different ways in which imagery and mental practice can help performance. This is particularly important for singers, who cannot physically practice for several hours a day--we can still put in plenty of time doing other things, and mentally putting ourselves through the paces of a performance goes a long way toward ensuring that we'll be able to perform the way we want to in high-stress situations.
I love this kind of stuff because it goes right along with my prevailing interest in creating and sustaining a good mindset, of framing reality the way I want to. I would like it even if it were just froufy new age bullshit, but I like it even more because it's based on actual science--on the brain's proven ability to pattern moods and processes.
Today's Unitarian special idea was Intentional Joy. You see how this all fits together?
Welcome Morning
There is joy
in all:
in the hair I brush each morning,
in the Cannon towel, newly washed,
that I rub my body with each morning,
in the chapel of eggs I cook
each morning,
in the outcry from the kettle
that heats my coffee
each morning,
in the spoon and the chair
that cry 'hello there, Anne'
each morning,
in the godhead of the table
that I set my silver, plate, cup upon
each morning.
All this is God,
right here in my pea-green house
each morning
and I mean, though often forget,
to give thanks,
to faint down by the kitchen table
to a prayer of rejoicing
as the holy birds at the kitchen window
peck into their marriage of seeds.
So, while I think of it,
let me paint a thank-you on my palm
for this God, this laughter in the morning,
lest it go unspoken.
The joy that isn't shared, I've heard,
dies young.
--Anne Sexton
PS: Hillary Clinton's voice is so thrashed, I just want to sit her down and give her some voice therapy.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Easy like Sunday morning.
I chucked myself into the Belief-o-Matic yesterday, to see what the world of online quizzes could reveal about my spirituality, and here's what happened. I'm just giving you the top ten:
1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2. Liberal Quakers (93%)
3. Secular Humanism (93%)
4. Neo-Pagan (81%)
5. Theravada Buddhism (79%)
6. Taoism (76%)
7. New Age (73%)
8. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (73%)
9. Mahayana Buddhism (72%)
10. Nontheist (66%)
No surprises there, except maybe Liberal Quakers. Who knew I was so down with Liberal Quakers?
I have this morning off from my church gig, so I'm having a splendid morning alone with my oatmeal and tea and sunshine and fat cat. The Brit was up late with World of Warcraft--which he's being very disciplined about, playing sparingly--so he's still asleep. (I like it when he puts on his computer headphones and says "bye!" It's an accurate thing to say.) I believe the temperature has already jumped about 40 or 50 degrees from where it was a few days ago, and it's going to keep going up. Unless you've spent a lot of time below zero, you can't truly know how good 38F feels. I'm just saying.
I usually have to sing at two services on Sunday mornings, which means that by the second service I am often using the time to make little notes to myself, or to read, or knit, or whatever (if I'm sitting up in the balcony). I've got some notes from several weeks ago when I started thinking about specifically defining my values. At the top of the page I wrote "ubuntu," which is one of those words that I heard or read one day--at the gym in a three year old issue of Ode, no less--and then the next day it seemed to be everywhere, including that day's sermon. (I missed Bill Clinton telling Westerners that we needed ubuntu a few years back.) Here's what Desmond Tutu has to say about ubuntu:
My parents, those sweethearts, had their 34th wedding anniversary yesterday. We gave them a gift certificate from Kiva, so that they can choose a microloan to fund and potentially keep reinvesting it in people's projects forever. I am so pumped about this as a gift.
On a related note, I just found out about Zopa, a social finance website where you can borrow or invest money. A $500 certificate of deposit is currently getting a 5.10% interest rate, and when you invest, you select borrowers (who have to meet credit requirements) that your investment will benefit. You get a guaranteed payout and you help other people achieve their financial goals. What's not to like? As Paul Wellstone said, "we all do better when we all do better." That's ubuntu, Minnesota-style.
1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2. Liberal Quakers (93%)
3. Secular Humanism (93%)
4. Neo-Pagan (81%)
5. Theravada Buddhism (79%)
6. Taoism (76%)
7. New Age (73%)
8. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (73%)
9. Mahayana Buddhism (72%)
10. Nontheist (66%)
No surprises there, except maybe Liberal Quakers. Who knew I was so down with Liberal Quakers?
I have this morning off from my church gig, so I'm having a splendid morning alone with my oatmeal and tea and sunshine and fat cat. The Brit was up late with World of Warcraft--which he's being very disciplined about, playing sparingly--so he's still asleep. (I like it when he puts on his computer headphones and says "bye!" It's an accurate thing to say.) I believe the temperature has already jumped about 40 or 50 degrees from where it was a few days ago, and it's going to keep going up. Unless you've spent a lot of time below zero, you can't truly know how good 38F feels. I'm just saying.
I usually have to sing at two services on Sunday mornings, which means that by the second service I am often using the time to make little notes to myself, or to read, or knit, or whatever (if I'm sitting up in the balcony). I've got some notes from several weeks ago when I started thinking about specifically defining my values. At the top of the page I wrote "ubuntu," which is one of those words that I heard or read one day--at the gym in a three year old issue of Ode, no less--and then the next day it seemed to be everywhere, including that day's sermon. (I missed Bill Clinton telling Westerners that we needed ubuntu a few years back.) Here's what Desmond Tutu has to say about ubuntu:
Ubuntu is very difficult to render into a Western language. When we want to give high praise to someone we say, "Yu u nobuntu": "Hey, so-and-so has ubuntu." Then you are generous, you are hospitable, you are friendly and caring and compassionate. You share what you have. It is to say, "My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in what is yours"...We say, "A person is a person through other persons"...A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed.Then I wrote a list of charges to myself. It looks like this:
- Do not cherish your pain. It inhibits forgiveness and progress.
- Enjoy this very moment.
- Understand that sorrow is part of life, that emotion is tidal, and let go of losses and regrets as soon as possible.
- Do not poison your body.
- Participate in your community. If you don't have one, get one.
- Nurture your gifts.
- Call out anyone who makes a racist, sexist, homophobic comment. Words are powerful and people need to understand that.
- Interrogate your own racism, sexism, homophobia, or whatever. You have assumptions, not answers. No one is served by your rigid pronouncements.
- FACE DIFFICULT TRUTHS.
- MAKE CLEAR DECISIONS.
- Make and Do. Understand what "enough" is. Work and save for things you want, but do not buy into LIFESTYLES.
- Continue to figure out ways to live conscientiously, even when it causes discomfort or friction between you and others.
- Some anxiety is warranted but most of it is of your own invention. Feed it with exercise [thank you Marigoldie].
My parents, those sweethearts, had their 34th wedding anniversary yesterday. We gave them a gift certificate from Kiva, so that they can choose a microloan to fund and potentially keep reinvesting it in people's projects forever. I am so pumped about this as a gift.
On a related note, I just found out about Zopa, a social finance website where you can borrow or invest money. A $500 certificate of deposit is currently getting a 5.10% interest rate, and when you invest, you select borrowers (who have to meet credit requirements) that your investment will benefit. You get a guaranteed payout and you help other people achieve their financial goals. What's not to like? As Paul Wellstone said, "we all do better when we all do better." That's ubuntu, Minnesota-style.
Friday, January 25, 2008
I was just thinking.
Over the summer, I read Eat Pray Love, a book that had been on my list for ages--and I found many things in it that spoke strongly to me, especially because I feel so predisposed to incorporate meditation into my life (a huge part of this book is about living at an ashram and struggling with meditation practice) and haven't taken the leap yet. It really is a good book, even if the prose does get a little cute verrrry occasionally. Mostly it's just excellent, soul-searching stuff, and I don't find it at all preachy. The author is saying: after a devastating time in my life, here's how I pursued full-on earthly pleasure and full-on divine love. Do with it what you will.
I've been rereading the book in bits and pieces recently, and just came across something I dog-eared this summer, probably intending to share it with y'all anyway.
I've been rereading the book in bits and pieces recently, and just came across something I dog-eared this summer, probably intending to share it with y'all anyway.
People universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you're fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don't you will leak away your innate contentment.Have you noticed how all I do lately is quote people? I did add my own boldface, though, for emphasis.
Friday, January 11, 2008
I don't think you can handle me.
I don't know why I thought I might be motivated (or at least interested in motivating myself) to blog every day in 2008. I don't think I can still claim to be "turbo-blogging," as Melinda suggested. Mostly I've just loafed around stealing content from other people, and today isn't really going to be an exception, though the linky-links I'm about to drop on you are less "I find this entertaining" and more in line with the Values Manifesto project I'm working on.
I've been reading WiseBread (Living Large on a Small Budget!), the frugal living blog, and so far today there have been TWO posts that have interested me a lot. The first mulls over the things to which we attach value, and how in the end, material purchases don't say very much about who you are--they're just about what you have. I especially like this bit:
I've never been particularly self-indulgent or ridiculous with my purchases or possessions. I'm not a big spender, so most purchases haven't cost enough to engender any guilt or regret. But I've definitely done retail therapy--who hasn't? I particularly remember an evening in 2004 when I had a small breakdown and went from breakdown to the mall to buying a SUIT which is no longer ready for this jelly because my body is too bootylicious for it. Plus, I am definitely guilty of buying things just because they are good deals, though I do that less than I used to.
Anyway, there are a couple of practices I'm focused on adopting as life-long habits, and they're related to each other. The first is to decide what I truly need and get rid of a lot of the rest of my stuff, and try a quality and ethics-based approach to future purchasing, even if that means spending more on single purchases than I have in the past. This is going to involve some more ebaying, some goodwill trips, some consignment selling, and general cleaning. It might be awhile before I get to that part of the process. The more immediate steps: applying a new logic to my purchasing, i.e., "Am I going to use/wear this all the time and love it tenderly?" By that logic, the earrings the Brit gave me for Christmas would have been a solid purchase even if I'd made it myself. They are handmade, they are perfect for my style and aesthetic, and I can really see myself wearing them almost every day.
The second and probably more daily-life kind of practice is to eat only food for which I am actually hungry. Let's be clear about this. I don't have a weight problem, I don't have a particularly complicated relationship with food, and I am on the whole a healthy person. But over the past few months I've developed a creeping bad habit of eating food because it's there, or eating more than I need to as a default. I've also eaten a lot of crap, and I've complained about it a lot, which bores me and you and everyone we know.
I'm not interested in dieting, because it's not supportable in the long run. I want to reshape my habits, and trust that my body is going to get into better balance as a result. It's only been about 10 days of thinking this way, but I am definitely experiencing detox symptoms which I will spare you here. (Some of them are snot-related, and then there are others.)
An adjacent issue: I've never been a caffeine addict, but I've been off coffee since the laryngitis episode. I've often noted that when I am laid low by a cold, my body clearly doesn't want sugar or dairy or alcohol or caffeine, and none of that stuff even looks good to me. So far I have heard this message but pretty much chosen to file it away rather than, you know, adopt it for realsies. It's obvious that I need to eschew some foods in order to return to a state of health, but what about just existing in a state of health in the first place and conscientiously maintaining that? I bet lots of things would feel better.
I'm also tracking my daily spending this month. Surprisingly enough, it's an exercise I've never done.
One attractive thing about me is that I am reliably good at making lifestyle changes.
I've been reading WiseBread (Living Large on a Small Budget!), the frugal living blog, and so far today there have been TWO posts that have interested me a lot. The first mulls over the things to which we attach value, and how in the end, material purchases don't say very much about who you are--they're just about what you have. I especially like this bit:
There are many reasons to [be] frugal--it's light on your wallet and light on the planet--but the most important is that it maximizes your freedom.The second post discusses how to tell the difference between what you want and what you need, and this is something I'm just starting to take to heart.
One way it does that is by giving you more career options: The more frugal you are, the less pressed you are to choose the most remunerative career (and the less pressed you are to stick with a poor choice simply because change would be risky--the frugal person can bear risks that others can't)...What I've come to realize just recently, though, is that another advantage of a frugal lifestyle is that frugal people are free to spend the money they haven't sunk into stuff on experiences instead.
I've never been particularly self-indulgent or ridiculous with my purchases or possessions. I'm not a big spender, so most purchases haven't cost enough to engender any guilt or regret. But I've definitely done retail therapy--who hasn't? I particularly remember an evening in 2004 when I had a small breakdown and went from breakdown to the mall to buying a SUIT which is no longer ready for this jelly because my body is too bootylicious for it. Plus, I am definitely guilty of buying things just because they are good deals, though I do that less than I used to.
Anyway, there are a couple of practices I'm focused on adopting as life-long habits, and they're related to each other. The first is to decide what I truly need and get rid of a lot of the rest of my stuff, and try a quality and ethics-based approach to future purchasing, even if that means spending more on single purchases than I have in the past. This is going to involve some more ebaying, some goodwill trips, some consignment selling, and general cleaning. It might be awhile before I get to that part of the process. The more immediate steps: applying a new logic to my purchasing, i.e., "Am I going to use/wear this all the time and love it tenderly?" By that logic, the earrings the Brit gave me for Christmas would have been a solid purchase even if I'd made it myself. They are handmade, they are perfect for my style and aesthetic, and I can really see myself wearing them almost every day.
The second and probably more daily-life kind of practice is to eat only food for which I am actually hungry. Let's be clear about this. I don't have a weight problem, I don't have a particularly complicated relationship with food, and I am on the whole a healthy person. But over the past few months I've developed a creeping bad habit of eating food because it's there, or eating more than I need to as a default. I've also eaten a lot of crap, and I've complained about it a lot, which bores me and you and everyone we know.
I'm not interested in dieting, because it's not supportable in the long run. I want to reshape my habits, and trust that my body is going to get into better balance as a result. It's only been about 10 days of thinking this way, but I am definitely experiencing detox symptoms which I will spare you here. (Some of them are snot-related, and then there are others.)
An adjacent issue: I've never been a caffeine addict, but I've been off coffee since the laryngitis episode. I've often noted that when I am laid low by a cold, my body clearly doesn't want sugar or dairy or alcohol or caffeine, and none of that stuff even looks good to me. So far I have heard this message but pretty much chosen to file it away rather than, you know, adopt it for realsies. It's obvious that I need to eschew some foods in order to return to a state of health, but what about just existing in a state of health in the first place and conscientiously maintaining that? I bet lots of things would feel better.
I'm also tracking my daily spending this month. Surprisingly enough, it's an exercise I've never done.
One attractive thing about me is that I am reliably good at making lifestyle changes.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Come on baby, finish what you started.
I gotta say, internets, it's pretty invigorating to read all of your goals and resolutions for the new year. Everybody's getting rid of physical and psychological clutter, socking away money, training for sprint triathlons, and making happiness a central goal. I think it's especially cool when you post your resolutions year after year, and we can stick with you see how your goals evolve. Way to be.
Here are some of mine:
Finish my gotdamn doctorate in 2008. I mean obviously.
Contribute the max to my IRA. I saved like $5 in my 20s, and I have a lot of catching up to do.
Take control of my brain. Sort of a weird way of putting it, but I'll explain. I saw this program on hypnosis the other day and it rocked me. One of the segments was about a surgeon in Spain who's been operating without anesthesia for 25 years--he uses hypnosis with his patients instead. Hypnosis is fascinating to me all by itself, but what really got me is this idea that our brains are so full of possibility, and there are so many things we could be doing better, just with our own brain power. Even though I would say I am a basically happy and stable person, I have some negative and defeatist thinking that I need to invert. Who knows, I might even hypnotize myself. Or you. Watch out.
Now as long as we're sharing, tell me what your obsessive-compulsive tics are. The Brit and I have been talking about these a lot lately. Mine are not pathological and they come and go, but in recent years I've been counting my steps a lot. I'm my own little pedometer. I almost invariably count stairs as I'm climbing them. I also blow air upwards onto my contact lenses, which is actually a functional habit that helps my eyes water when they are dry. Unfortunately, it makes me look like a monkey when I'm doing it.
Here are some of mine:
Finish my gotdamn doctorate in 2008. I mean obviously.
Contribute the max to my IRA. I saved like $5 in my 20s, and I have a lot of catching up to do.
Take control of my brain. Sort of a weird way of putting it, but I'll explain. I saw this program on hypnosis the other day and it rocked me. One of the segments was about a surgeon in Spain who's been operating without anesthesia for 25 years--he uses hypnosis with his patients instead. Hypnosis is fascinating to me all by itself, but what really got me is this idea that our brains are so full of possibility, and there are so many things we could be doing better, just with our own brain power. Even though I would say I am a basically happy and stable person, I have some negative and defeatist thinking that I need to invert. Who knows, I might even hypnotize myself. Or you. Watch out.
Now as long as we're sharing, tell me what your obsessive-compulsive tics are. The Brit and I have been talking about these a lot lately. Mine are not pathological and they come and go, but in recent years I've been counting my steps a lot. I'm my own little pedometer. I almost invariably count stairs as I'm climbing them. I also blow air upwards onto my contact lenses, which is actually a functional habit that helps my eyes water when they are dry. Unfortunately, it makes me look like a monkey when I'm doing it.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
I have a lot of feelings.
Here's a dirty little secret about me: I cry in church like all the time. I don't mean full on ugly snotface--more like unbidden streaming eyes and random upwellings of emotion. I try to hold it back, too, but I'm pretty sure I'm not fooling anybody, and I'm certainly not fooling myself. I may present a kind of analytical or well thought out front, but I am an emotional reactor. This is just one reason I would be a terrible therapist, doctor, or politician--or minister, for that matter. Just trying to be a decent human being is hard enough without also having to hold it together for the benefit of those you're trying to serve.
Anyway, I wonder what would happen if I started letting go a little bit more. There's one woman at church whose emotions are very close to the surface and she gets moved by just about everything. It's very endearing, and it just happens to be one of her noticeable characteristics. I'm pretty sure it's one of mine, too--but I've spent most of my life trying to keep people from noticing it, and like I said: I'm not fooling anyone.
The church-weepiness has been pretty ongoing ever since I got this gig 9 years ago. I kept thinking it would pass, that I would get used to being in a place where I could reliably expect to be moved by ideas, but the weepiness never has gone away. Sometimes it's brought on by nothing more than having a moment to sit in silence and think about the people I love who are far away from me or struggling with something. Sometimes it's the little electric shock of self-recognition when a reading or a sermon seems to illuminate the exact thing that's been on my mind.
I've been thinking a lot about service lately, about the things you do as part of your daily life to help the people around you, or to keep the household running, or whatever, and how easy it is for me to devolve into resentment and martyrdom about the stupidest things. I have often taken on tasks that it seems no one else wants to do just so that they get done, but I always take them on with a sense of exasperation and probably a little moral superiority, like for example when I would volunteer to play unglamorous positions in sports as a kid because no one would be goalie or catcher. It wasn't generally because I was so into the team. It was more like I needed to demonstrate that I was more responsible than everyone else.
Anyway, it's occurred to me more than once recently that if I'm going to serve--if I'm going to take on seemingly unrewarding tasks, or just step in and do what needs doing, I should do it with joy. I know this is easier said than done. But I am going to try.
This day has been kind of a rollercoaster. My alarm didn't go off, but I woke up in enough time to get to rehearsal. The service was long, but I still had time to walk to the co-op for coffee. I got to meet up with four friends I haven't seen in months and months for brunch, but I discovered en route that my wallet was missing. I'd only been to the co-op and church and you figure hippies and Unitarians aren't going to pick your pockets, so I didn't panic; still, losing a wallet is mighty inconvenient.
When I got home after the 2.5 hour brunch, I found that a neighbor I've never met had posted a note on the door. "Please call me," it said, in neat, deliberate, old-lady cursive. "I think it's important, about a billfold?" Some folks had found my wallet on the ground and reverse-searched my neighbors after they figured out that my number's unlisted. I got a call from my angelic wallet-finders in the middle of writing this entry, actually, and scooted back over to St Paul to retrieve it. I brought them a poinsettia. Turns out we have friends in common and they're coming to my concert next week. The woman hugged me when I left, and I got in the car and laughed and cried, a little hysterical and a lot relieved about how the world is sometimes exactly the way it is supposed to be.
Is it worth running constant ornament interference with the cat just to have a Christmas tree? He's tipped it over once, extracted no fewer than three baubles just while I've been writing this entry, and keeps carrying his favorite string over to the tree and hiding out with it. It would be a lot cuter if it weren't infuriating.
Anyway, I wonder what would happen if I started letting go a little bit more. There's one woman at church whose emotions are very close to the surface and she gets moved by just about everything. It's very endearing, and it just happens to be one of her noticeable characteristics. I'm pretty sure it's one of mine, too--but I've spent most of my life trying to keep people from noticing it, and like I said: I'm not fooling anyone.
The church-weepiness has been pretty ongoing ever since I got this gig 9 years ago. I kept thinking it would pass, that I would get used to being in a place where I could reliably expect to be moved by ideas, but the weepiness never has gone away. Sometimes it's brought on by nothing more than having a moment to sit in silence and think about the people I love who are far away from me or struggling with something. Sometimes it's the little electric shock of self-recognition when a reading or a sermon seems to illuminate the exact thing that's been on my mind.
I've been thinking a lot about service lately, about the things you do as part of your daily life to help the people around you, or to keep the household running, or whatever, and how easy it is for me to devolve into resentment and martyrdom about the stupidest things. I have often taken on tasks that it seems no one else wants to do just so that they get done, but I always take them on with a sense of exasperation and probably a little moral superiority, like for example when I would volunteer to play unglamorous positions in sports as a kid because no one would be goalie or catcher. It wasn't generally because I was so into the team. It was more like I needed to demonstrate that I was more responsible than everyone else.
Anyway, it's occurred to me more than once recently that if I'm going to serve--if I'm going to take on seemingly unrewarding tasks, or just step in and do what needs doing, I should do it with joy. I know this is easier said than done. But I am going to try.
This day has been kind of a rollercoaster. My alarm didn't go off, but I woke up in enough time to get to rehearsal. The service was long, but I still had time to walk to the co-op for coffee. I got to meet up with four friends I haven't seen in months and months for brunch, but I discovered en route that my wallet was missing. I'd only been to the co-op and church and you figure hippies and Unitarians aren't going to pick your pockets, so I didn't panic; still, losing a wallet is mighty inconvenient.
When I got home after the 2.5 hour brunch, I found that a neighbor I've never met had posted a note on the door. "Please call me," it said, in neat, deliberate, old-lady cursive. "I think it's important, about a billfold?" Some folks had found my wallet on the ground and reverse-searched my neighbors after they figured out that my number's unlisted. I got a call from my angelic wallet-finders in the middle of writing this entry, actually, and scooted back over to St Paul to retrieve it. I brought them a poinsettia. Turns out we have friends in common and they're coming to my concert next week. The woman hugged me when I left, and I got in the car and laughed and cried, a little hysterical and a lot relieved about how the world is sometimes exactly the way it is supposed to be.
Is it worth running constant ornament interference with the cat just to have a Christmas tree? He's tipped it over once, extracted no fewer than three baubles just while I've been writing this entry, and keeps carrying his favorite string over to the tree and hiding out with it. It would be a lot cuter if it weren't infuriating.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Shut yo mouth.
One of the blogs I check in with occasionally is by a Christian environmentalist whose life choices provide the best answer to any self-described religious person who refuses to see the point of low-impact living. Basically, if you believe in a creator who has given you stewardship over the earth, you should be the most radical environmentalist out there, and if you try to justify any other way of living, you really don't have a leg to stand on. I know, tell that to all the right-wing Christians with oil interests (or whatever).
Anyway, the point is that I admire this woman's environmental choices and that's why I read her blog--to see examples of low-impact living in action. I tend to skim or skip the churchy stuff, for many reasons I probably don't need to detail here, since you know me (sort of. I can get into this more another time, maybe). Today's churchy stuff was, however, timely, as I have been thinking more and more about the ways in which my words and/or actions fall short and/or hurt people. Welcome, therefore, to the only blog entry in which I will ever quote the Bible (probably), from James 3:
And the whole idea of choosing words carefully, or mastering your own mouth, is something that I've carried with me for many years. I used to be exponentially more sarcastic and cutting than I am now, and as I have gotten older I've mellowed out (at least in that respect). The words and the wit are still there; I just try not to use them to make people feel stupid, knowing as I do that self-aggrandizement via verbal superiority basically just makes me an asshole. If I have to talk about something difficult with someone, I think very hard, in advance, about what I'm going to say in order to be clear and honest. But who is good at this in the heat of the moment? Not many people, I would wager, and not I.
Damn, you know who else can't govern his mouth? This cat. If he's not biting my legs to get attention, he's meowing his head off because he's too lazy to jump his own furry ass into my lap. He wants me to pick him up. Again.
Anyway. I may never be a natural about putting people at ease, or radiating goodwill (though I am a genius about shopping there), or just letting things drop when my hackles are up, or not getting my stupid hackles up in the first place. But I do think it's important to try. I have lots of big personality and life stuff on my mind these days, like for example about how long it has taken me to grow up, but that's for another post.
In other news, I have parlayed my sometime office job into an actual job, so 30 hours of my work week is now far more structured, as is 75% of my income. Trust me, this can only be a good thing.
Anyway, the point is that I admire this woman's environmental choices and that's why I read her blog--to see examples of low-impact living in action. I tend to skim or skip the churchy stuff, for many reasons I probably don't need to detail here, since you know me (sort of. I can get into this more another time, maybe). Today's churchy stuff was, however, timely, as I have been thinking more and more about the ways in which my words and/or actions fall short and/or hurt people. Welcome, therefore, to the only blog entry in which I will ever quote the Bible (probably), from James 3:
For we all stumble in many ways. If someone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect individual, able to control the entire body as well. And if we put bits into the mouths of horses to get them to obey us, then we guide their entire bodies. Look at ships too: Though they are so large and driven by harsh winds, they are steered by a tiny rudder wherever the pilot’s inclination directs. So too the tongue is a small part of the body, yet it has great pretensions. Think how small a flame sets a huge forest ablaze. And the tongue is a fire! The tongue represents the world of wrongdoing among the parts of our bodies.There are a few personality issues I have struggled with my whole life. Big number one is seeming cold or aloof, which has a lot more to do with not being immediately at ease in new situations than with any basic deficit in my affections. With some people I am able to skip over the aloof stage because they bring out my more extroverted side, and with other people, getting past that is a process that usually involves some moment in which they realize I am actually a softie and not scary at all. But I can be intimidating and in some cases, I will admit, I kind of relish that, which isn't cool. It's one thing to be strong and self-possessed and quite another to maintain a lofty distance between yourself and the people around you. It's something I don't think I do at all in my teaching life, and I don't know if that's because the roles are more clear-cut there, or because teaching is what I really feel comfortable doing. It allows me to go ahead and be an expert, to have the upper hand by definition, while also being encouraging and supportive and friendly and getting to know people on their own terms. Hm. Something else to think about.
And the whole idea of choosing words carefully, or mastering your own mouth, is something that I've carried with me for many years. I used to be exponentially more sarcastic and cutting than I am now, and as I have gotten older I've mellowed out (at least in that respect). The words and the wit are still there; I just try not to use them to make people feel stupid, knowing as I do that self-aggrandizement via verbal superiority basically just makes me an asshole. If I have to talk about something difficult with someone, I think very hard, in advance, about what I'm going to say in order to be clear and honest. But who is good at this in the heat of the moment? Not many people, I would wager, and not I.
Damn, you know who else can't govern his mouth? This cat. If he's not biting my legs to get attention, he's meowing his head off because he's too lazy to jump his own furry ass into my lap. He wants me to pick him up. Again.
Anyway. I may never be a natural about putting people at ease, or radiating goodwill (though I am a genius about shopping there), or just letting things drop when my hackles are up, or not getting my stupid hackles up in the first place. But I do think it's important to try. I have lots of big personality and life stuff on my mind these days, like for example about how long it has taken me to grow up, but that's for another post.
In other news, I have parlayed my sometime office job into an actual job, so 30 hours of my work week is now far more structured, as is 75% of my income. Trust me, this can only be a good thing.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Ready, aim, fire.
Lately I have been compelled by two things about which I am just slightly embarrassed: my horoscope and a personal development website. Let's talk about the former first, because it's worse in the grand scheme of hooha. I get an email horoscope every day from tarot.com, likely because I signed up for it while I was dinking around in my internet dating days and trying to answer life's great questions in some way other than facing reality. I'm sure I have excused my reasons for enjoying tarot readings and horoscopes in some earlier entry, but I'll recap: anything that provokes contemplation is okay by me, as long as people realize it ain't a prescription.
Here are the things I have liked the most in my astrological missives: A) shoot an arrow and then follow it and in light of that, B) the universe is a safe and friendly place. (I know, only an American would think that.)
The personal development website is also something I have linked before, StevePavlina.com. If you are a regular reader chez moi, you possibly followed the link to his borderline crazy account of getting two degrees in three semesters, and maybe you surfed around the site, or maybe not. I'd surf around the site if I were you. I mean unless you're not really interested in personal friggin growth like I am.
So last week I did one of the exercises Pavlina recommends in How to discover your life purpose in about 20 minutes. It is essentially a brainstorming exercise that you keep doing until one of your answers to the question "what is my true purpose in life" makes you cry. For an emotional reactor and garbage writer like me, this is a totally workable method and what I came up with wasn't a total surprise, but I sort of wasn't expecting it, either.
I don't think I have a lot of the usual hangups about purpose, especially in the ways that "purpose" and "career path" are often confounded in people's minds. But neither have I, historically, had a particularly strong sense of purpose other than the generic ones about love your friends and family and be nice to people and do a good job, all of which are valid. I've never really sat down and imagined my ideal life so that I can start acting in ways that will manifest my vision. I'm still not really sure what that ideal life looks like--and I'm still not really sure that imagining your ideal life is even a valuable exercise, because of that thing about how focusing on your ideal life prevents you from actually experiencing the life you're currently living.
Anyway, with all of this at the back, I brainstormed. And a few themes kept coming up:
1. Meaningful work. I know I'm not unique in this, but I am not a jobby-job person who is content to put in 40 hours in order to have money to do the things I am actually interested in doing. Real life does not begin at 5 PM and bloom into full glory on the weekends and end Monday morning.
2. An integrated life, meaning that my vocation isn't separate from my home and family life, or maybe that my purpose encompasses home and family life without making family the sole purpose. You dig? And then:
3. Mind-body work and healing. Who knew?
I also kept writing about music because that's obvious, because I have all this training and experience on top of my basic talents, but music wasn't the thing that punched my gut. What socked it to me was, ultimately, the mind-body thing. Here in all its wordy glory is the last thing on my brainstorm list:
to explore and deepen my understanding of the connection between the body and the mind, to understand that connection’s impact on my health and the health of the universe, to use that understanding to help people in some way, whether it is through helping them learn to meditate, to strengthen that connection, to draw on reserves they didn’t know they had, to unblock whatever has been blocking them, and thereby to leave this world a stronger and more compassionate place, to increase my own compassion toward others, to open myself up to more and greater experiences, to unblock myself first and foremost.
Well actually that isn't the last thing I wrote. The last thing I wrote was WHERE DO I START.
And here is where shooting an arrow is probably a good idea.
Here are the things I have liked the most in my astrological missives: A) shoot an arrow and then follow it and in light of that, B) the universe is a safe and friendly place. (I know, only an American would think that.)
The personal development website is also something I have linked before, StevePavlina.com. If you are a regular reader chez moi, you possibly followed the link to his borderline crazy account of getting two degrees in three semesters, and maybe you surfed around the site, or maybe not. I'd surf around the site if I were you. I mean unless you're not really interested in personal friggin growth like I am.
So last week I did one of the exercises Pavlina recommends in How to discover your life purpose in about 20 minutes. It is essentially a brainstorming exercise that you keep doing until one of your answers to the question "what is my true purpose in life" makes you cry. For an emotional reactor and garbage writer like me, this is a totally workable method and what I came up with wasn't a total surprise, but I sort of wasn't expecting it, either.
I don't think I have a lot of the usual hangups about purpose, especially in the ways that "purpose" and "career path" are often confounded in people's minds. But neither have I, historically, had a particularly strong sense of purpose other than the generic ones about love your friends and family and be nice to people and do a good job, all of which are valid. I've never really sat down and imagined my ideal life so that I can start acting in ways that will manifest my vision. I'm still not really sure what that ideal life looks like--and I'm still not really sure that imagining your ideal life is even a valuable exercise, because of that thing about how focusing on your ideal life prevents you from actually experiencing the life you're currently living.
Anyway, with all of this at the back, I brainstormed. And a few themes kept coming up:
1. Meaningful work. I know I'm not unique in this, but I am not a jobby-job person who is content to put in 40 hours in order to have money to do the things I am actually interested in doing. Real life does not begin at 5 PM and bloom into full glory on the weekends and end Monday morning.
2. An integrated life, meaning that my vocation isn't separate from my home and family life, or maybe that my purpose encompasses home and family life without making family the sole purpose. You dig? And then:
3. Mind-body work and healing. Who knew?
I also kept writing about music because that's obvious, because I have all this training and experience on top of my basic talents, but music wasn't the thing that punched my gut. What socked it to me was, ultimately, the mind-body thing. Here in all its wordy glory is the last thing on my brainstorm list:
to explore and deepen my understanding of the connection between the body and the mind, to understand that connection’s impact on my health and the health of the universe, to use that understanding to help people in some way, whether it is through helping them learn to meditate, to strengthen that connection, to draw on reserves they didn’t know they had, to unblock whatever has been blocking them, and thereby to leave this world a stronger and more compassionate place, to increase my own compassion toward others, to open myself up to more and greater experiences, to unblock myself first and foremost.
Well actually that isn't the last thing I wrote. The last thing I wrote was WHERE DO I START.
And here is where shooting an arrow is probably a good idea.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Son, you got a panty on your head.
Today I basically just ate granola all day. One of the things I truly enjoy about being a grownup is indulging my own dietary whims. Probably I talk about it too much (see previous post re: ice cream for dinner), but there are so many other things about being a grownup that I do not enjoy; I figure I'm entitled to a day's worth of granola and a few sentences of food commentary.
One fun thing I did this weekend is figure out my net worth, after hearing Boston Gal on Marketplace Money the other day. Do you know about this woman? She's an "open wallet," a personal finance blogger who charts her net worth monthly and shares it with the internets. I've been tracking my income for awhile as a matter of freelancey necessity, but have never baldly regarded my assets next to my liabilities. Thanks to my private college (that I will never ever regret attending), my liabilities still outweigh my assets, but not as much as I might have imagined. I mean, I'm currently worth more dead than alive, but still: there is something a little bit reassuring about seeing it all spreadsheeted up and thinking about how next month I will have chipped away at the debt a bit more. I recommend the exercise.
Of course, next month I will be experiencing the financial fallout of international travel, so maybe the spreadsheet will cease to reassure at that point. We leave for England on Wednesday evening. The Brit's sister is getting married, and and we are having a little vay-cay-cay. It will involve hiking and camping, and also swanky wedding accommodations and stays with the family, and hopefully some thrift-shopping (I am collecting recommendations). I'll be blogging at you from the UK, never you fear.
Opera camp wrapped up on Friday. It was fabulous. The kids did two performances of the scenes they'd been working on, and just tore it up. Watching them work was a slightly complicated source of joy--complicated only by my nostalgia for that type of innocent discovery. I don't mean innocent in the condescending or proto-sexual way; I mean like they don't have a clue what it takes to be a practitioner of this art form, but they are learning RIGHT THIS MINUTE and are choosing to do this thing, some even paying for it themselves. And you watch and listen and think about their broad uncharted futures and get sort of wistful, even if you yourself had a lot of great opportunities as a kid.
But then on the other hand you now get to spend your days eating nothing but granola if you wish, so really you should get over yourself.
That would be a great full-circle post-closing sentence, except that I forgot to report a few other things:
1. I watched RIZE and yes, it was amazing, and yes, Bring It On: All Or Nothing makes a mockery of krumping (but I knew this). I also enjoyed that it's possible to get "krumpness" or to be "krump," though I realize I will achieve/be neither.
2. I had my last hip-hop class and was significantly more coordinated than before. I also started demonstrating my moves to the opera camp crew. Holla!
3. My brother was in the hospital for three days with a skin infection. I think he's okay, but he was rather f-ed up, thanks to an ongoing resurgence of childhood eczema. When he was a baby, my mom made little paws to attach to his jammies, so he wouldn't scratch himself silly in his sleep. Maybe I should send him some paws. They would be the size of your head.
4. I saw a bald eagle flying over a mall parking lot.
5. I slipped in water, ran into a wall, and have fat mustardy bruises on my right arm. On the plus side, the ice pack they gave me at the opera felt like a weighty dong once it had warmed up, and the best part about it is that everyone I slapped with the ice pack instantly knew EXACTLY what I was trying to convey, which was: dong-slap.
One fun thing I did this weekend is figure out my net worth, after hearing Boston Gal on Marketplace Money the other day. Do you know about this woman? She's an "open wallet," a personal finance blogger who charts her net worth monthly and shares it with the internets. I've been tracking my income for awhile as a matter of freelancey necessity, but have never baldly regarded my assets next to my liabilities. Thanks to my private college (that I will never ever regret attending), my liabilities still outweigh my assets, but not as much as I might have imagined. I mean, I'm currently worth more dead than alive, but still: there is something a little bit reassuring about seeing it all spreadsheeted up and thinking about how next month I will have chipped away at the debt a bit more. I recommend the exercise.
Of course, next month I will be experiencing the financial fallout of international travel, so maybe the spreadsheet will cease to reassure at that point. We leave for England on Wednesday evening. The Brit's sister is getting married, and and we are having a little vay-cay-cay. It will involve hiking and camping, and also swanky wedding accommodations and stays with the family, and hopefully some thrift-shopping (I am collecting recommendations). I'll be blogging at you from the UK, never you fear.
Opera camp wrapped up on Friday. It was fabulous. The kids did two performances of the scenes they'd been working on, and just tore it up. Watching them work was a slightly complicated source of joy--complicated only by my nostalgia for that type of innocent discovery. I don't mean innocent in the condescending or proto-sexual way; I mean like they don't have a clue what it takes to be a practitioner of this art form, but they are learning RIGHT THIS MINUTE and are choosing to do this thing, some even paying for it themselves. And you watch and listen and think about their broad uncharted futures and get sort of wistful, even if you yourself had a lot of great opportunities as a kid.
But then on the other hand you now get to spend your days eating nothing but granola if you wish, so really you should get over yourself.
That would be a great full-circle post-closing sentence, except that I forgot to report a few other things:
1. I watched RIZE and yes, it was amazing, and yes, Bring It On: All Or Nothing makes a mockery of krumping (but I knew this). I also enjoyed that it's possible to get "krumpness" or to be "krump," though I realize I will achieve/be neither.
2. I had my last hip-hop class and was significantly more coordinated than before. I also started demonstrating my moves to the opera camp crew. Holla!
3. My brother was in the hospital for three days with a skin infection. I think he's okay, but he was rather f-ed up, thanks to an ongoing resurgence of childhood eczema. When he was a baby, my mom made little paws to attach to his jammies, so he wouldn't scratch himself silly in his sleep. Maybe I should send him some paws. They would be the size of your head.
4. I saw a bald eagle flying over a mall parking lot.
5. I slipped in water, ran into a wall, and have fat mustardy bruises on my right arm. On the plus side, the ice pack they gave me at the opera felt like a weighty dong once it had warmed up, and the best part about it is that everyone I slapped with the ice pack instantly knew EXACTLY what I was trying to convey, which was: dong-slap.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Upper echelon-ing it.
Before you chastise me for my ten day silence, I must stress to you that I had no idea how much time had passed. Why is summer--and I know this is its first official day--always so speedy, even during its hottest, draggiest days?
I've been procrastinating on hulaseventy's handmade postcard swap, which I agreed to do eons ago. Not surprisingly, even with all the lead time, I have spent only today and yesterday coated with glue. The postcards were supposed to go out today, the first official day of summer, the longest day of the year. But tomorrow's going to be a pretty long day too, and equally good for sending mail.
My workroom looks appalling. Teeny paper squares everywhere.
I started a hip-hop (AKA "jazz/funk") dance class last night. I have a small amount of game in this department, but it became clear to me last night that I need to forge some new neural pathways in order to coordinate some of these movements. It was pretty hilariously fun, and not just because my sister Mol is teaching it and my other sister is taking it with me and even my friend LA showed up, despite an inner ear infection that is giving her not-fucking-around vertigo. I recommend taking a class where the teacher will tell you in perfect seriousness to "freak right, then freak left." You will also likely have to percolate.
I listed some vulgar gauze pantsuits on ebay and someone promptly bid on both of them. Also in ebay news this week: a buyer in Spain tried to file a paypal claim against me, even though I had already refunded her money and she had already accepted the payment. Frivolous bitch. Spanish ebayers are dead to me.
Man, will someone PLEASE take the coco-roos away from me? They actually gave me a headache TWICE recently, yet I continue to eat them.
Did you know that modeling is hard? It is. I had to do a publicity shoot this evening for an opera, which involved putting on a costume and standing on a train and looking alternately wistful, disgruntled, empowered, etc. My hair, newly cut into a pseudo-mod, pseudo Victoria Beckham cap, was all wrong for the era. We slapped a big hat on it and wrapped me in tulle and turned on the wind machine and then the photographer attempted to get me to emote. I will point you to the shots if any of them turn out. In the meantime I will point you to the Minnesota Transportation Museum, an arm of which--the Jackson Street Roundhouse--functioned as our location for the shoot. I had no idea this place existed, and it is rad. Train geek heaven.
Apropos of nothing except my own ongoing quest: have you ever read this article about time management? Dude sounds crazy, but he makes lots of good points that seem to be extra germane at this point in my life. For example: "Most people wallow way too long in the state of 'I don't know what to do.' They wait for some external force to provide them with clarity, never realizing that clarity is self-created. The universe is waiting on you, not the other way around, and it's going to keep waiting until you finally make up your mind." And also: "having a clear goal is far more important than having a clear plan."
I think I need to go write some things down.
I've been procrastinating on hulaseventy's handmade postcard swap, which I agreed to do eons ago. Not surprisingly, even with all the lead time, I have spent only today and yesterday coated with glue. The postcards were supposed to go out today, the first official day of summer, the longest day of the year. But tomorrow's going to be a pretty long day too, and equally good for sending mail.
My workroom looks appalling. Teeny paper squares everywhere.
I started a hip-hop (AKA "jazz/funk") dance class last night. I have a small amount of game in this department, but it became clear to me last night that I need to forge some new neural pathways in order to coordinate some of these movements. It was pretty hilariously fun, and not just because my sister Mol is teaching it and my other sister is taking it with me and even my friend LA showed up, despite an inner ear infection that is giving her not-fucking-around vertigo. I recommend taking a class where the teacher will tell you in perfect seriousness to "freak right, then freak left." You will also likely have to percolate.
I listed some vulgar gauze pantsuits on ebay and someone promptly bid on both of them. Also in ebay news this week: a buyer in Spain tried to file a paypal claim against me, even though I had already refunded her money and she had already accepted the payment. Frivolous bitch. Spanish ebayers are dead to me.
Man, will someone PLEASE take the coco-roos away from me? They actually gave me a headache TWICE recently, yet I continue to eat them.
Did you know that modeling is hard? It is. I had to do a publicity shoot this evening for an opera, which involved putting on a costume and standing on a train and looking alternately wistful, disgruntled, empowered, etc. My hair, newly cut into a pseudo-mod, pseudo Victoria Beckham cap, was all wrong for the era. We slapped a big hat on it and wrapped me in tulle and turned on the wind machine and then the photographer attempted to get me to emote. I will point you to the shots if any of them turn out. In the meantime I will point you to the Minnesota Transportation Museum, an arm of which--the Jackson Street Roundhouse--functioned as our location for the shoot. I had no idea this place existed, and it is rad. Train geek heaven.
Apropos of nothing except my own ongoing quest: have you ever read this article about time management? Dude sounds crazy, but he makes lots of good points that seem to be extra germane at this point in my life. For example: "Most people wallow way too long in the state of 'I don't know what to do.' They wait for some external force to provide them with clarity, never realizing that clarity is self-created. The universe is waiting on you, not the other way around, and it's going to keep waiting until you finally make up your mind." And also: "having a clear goal is far more important than having a clear plan."
I think I need to go write some things down.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
